That's A Nice Peace

I feel a new sense of peace recently. I am not certain when it really arrived but sitting on our couch downstairs today, with the light streaming through the cracks of the blinds, I felt the sun coming over the horizon of peace and hope within my soul. For once in a good long while I did not find myself worrying over and obsessing about money, the bills, or Jacob's job situation, my job situation, my friends or relationships or how God sees me. I felt a sense of acceptance and peace about all of these and it felt quite good. I felt like a child of God, resting in his ever strong and capable hands.

Peace has never been a very easy thing for me to fall into and stay in. Peace is scary for me. I have lived my life constantly worried about the worst outcomes. I have spent years telling myself that something bad is going to happen so just be prepared for it, all the while I miss the beauty of life that is right before me. I miss out on the beauty of spending time with friends, neighbors and family. I miss the beauty of a peaceful sleep. I miss out on the beauty of a messy house and cleaning it up, even though my husband will certainly twirl through like the tazmanian devil and leave it in a terror of mess again...and yes, I miss the beauty of that too. I miss the beauty of my husband's intellect, his deep wisdom that he has to offer me and to those around him and the beauty of his goofy antics rooted in his deep sense of trust in God.

Jacob has truly exemplified for me what trusting God should look like. He doesn't worry too much about many things. He doesn't consume himself with knowing how much is due when or thinking we might have to pack and live under a bridge. He just trusts God that it will all work out and if we do end up under a bridge somewhere, God too will be there with us and it will not be for nothing.

I have even began to feel a sense of peace about my physical medical problems. I know that no matter what, I'll be okay, if even not necessarily out of pain, I will have the support and strenghth I need to get by from my husband, from God, and from my family and friends.

I thank God for this peace for it is from Him and Him alone. I thank those who have prayed prayers of peace for me and asked God to move in me in this area. I hope that I can only pass along my peace to others and not hoard it all for myself...though I wonder if in giving peace you lose peace...which I suppose is quite silly to think. I suppose if anything, to give peace will only multiply my own peace because the economy of God is oh so different from ours.

With love to myself
Peace