Forms to get a form? Really? How the Social Service System is keeping people down!

So yesterday I had my first experience at the Social Services department in Charlotte, NC. I parked my car and walked in through the automatic sliding glass doors and a cool wind hit my face. Yes! It is nicely air conditioned in here. That would be about the very last thing I was grateful for during my time there.

The first stop I had to make was to the Information Desk where I asked for a form for Food Stamps. The young lady behind the counter handed three forms and advised me to go make an appointment with one of the receptionist staff to the left. So I got in line and waited. There were four lanes to choose from, but not knowing which one was going to be open next three of us were just hanging back for the next one to be available, very much like at a bank. So about ten minutes goes by and then a Security Officer decides to assign the two ladies behind me to two different lanes and leaves me hanging. I had a hard time not believing that this was not a form of discrimination against me because I was the only white person in there.

Finally I get to the head of the line and a very sweet lady behind the counter explains to that in order to make an appointment I would need to fill out the forms that I already received plus she gave me three more forms to fill out. She advised that I should go sit at one of the tables in the back, fill out all the forms, and then come back to schedule my appointment with her so I can receive the actual Food Stamp forms.

Huh? You mean the six pages you have already given me aren't the Food Stamp form? Uh, no!

Well, thankfully I'm a quick form-filler-outer. I finished the forms and took my place at the back of the line for the same woman who I had just spoken with. This began another fifteen minute wait. All the while I would try to strike up conversations with others in the line but I would be ignored. Folks would act as if they did not hear me and turn their backs to me. I again felt discriminated against for being the only white person in the building.

So, I just kept to myself the whole fifteen minutes, waiting patiently, as people's children screamed and hollered. One ladies son even came and stepped on my toes multiple times, each time I would say "watch out sweetie" and she would say nothing to him to correct his behavior.

Once I got to the front of the line the woman took my forms and then handed me a ten page packet to fill out. I would need to fill this out at home and then come back sometime next week between Tuesday and Friday for a walk-in appointment. Yes, a walk-in appointment. They don't schedule appointments until you get there, so you inevitably have to wait some more once you are there for your appointment.

I got to thinking about this ridiculous process and all the implications it could have on various situations and people. The forms are tedious and time consuming. They could be difficult to read for someone who has a reading disability or lacks the skills necessary to fill out the information they are requesting. The fact that you have to fill out a form just to get the form you need to get the help you need is in itself very oppressive. I also got to thinking of those that might have a job. They would have to take off twice from work; once to come down and fill out the forms to get the forms and then again to come back for their walk-in appointment. Often folks applying for these services cannot afford to take off from work nor do they get paid-time off from work.

My other observation is that there is some misunderstanding between cultures I believe. I think that I was ignored and somewhat discriminated against simply because it does not seem many white people come to Social Services for assistance. At least in this office. All the employees where black and all but me asking for help were black. I think it is a misunderstanding between cultures that white people do not need help when in fact, we are often in the very same boat as many other people, regardless of race. Poverty does not discriminate. It will get whomever it can and it is hard to get out from under it.

I pray that God would see the injustices that exist in our systems and in our cultures. I pray for his healing and wisdom amongst all peoples and within social assistance programs.

Where is the dignity in all of this? Where is the respect for the human in it all? I am not some form to be reviewed but rather I am a human being, who is hungry...that's all.

What if?

I feel at a loss right now honestly. I have recently felt quite unsettled and disturbed at all the conflicts in Iraq and concerning the Palestine-Israel conflicts and the U.S. Military violence in countries all around the world, specifically within Iraq.

Diversions on Sabbath

On Sundays, all the houses of Hyaets are closed to the neighborhood unless there is an emergency. Hyaets consists of three couples (Greg and Helms, Jason and Joanie, Me and Jacob), and Anna. Each couple has their own home and Anna stays with a roommate in a duplex around the block. We are all in very close proximity to one another, able to see our homes from our windows, except Anna who lives just a short walk around the block.

The folks that are part of the intentional Christian community and ministry of Hyaets practice the Sabbath on Sundays. We close our homes to our neighbors so that we can each rest in our own ways. For most of us it involves attending a home church and then lunch with our immediate families and spending the day unwinding at home, maybe catching up on a few emails and such, but mostly just spending the day with family.

I really value this time of rest and regeneration. I think it is a practice that is not practiced enough within the Christian community.

However today, with the absence of my husband off working, I felt quite lonely. I was here with all my thoughts and emotions and only the diversions of the internet and the t.v. to keep me occupied. And that is just what I did. I used those diversions to keep myself from thinking and feeling. Now I have reflected on this and wonder just how often I do this. I use the noise of this world, whether it be the visual or audio noise, to divert my attention from myself, from others, and from God.

I spent time in prayer this evening while Jacob was writing. During that time I sensed this deep connection to God and to myself. It has been a while since I spent individual time in prayer, other than my short one line prayers throughout most days.

I wonder how different my days would be if I spent a little more time in active prayer and reading of God's word or the words of others who have lived out holy lives? I wonder how much further I would be in my emotional life if I stopped diverting my attentions and paid attention to myself and shared these emotions with God.

It is so much easier to ignore myself than to really pay attention. It is easier to ignore the reality of life. Unfortunately, as I ignore myself and life, I miss out on many joys and beautiful moments. I know this. I want this to change in my life. I am thankful that I have been able to grab a bit of this understanding today and hopefully, with this insight, I will move a little further along the path to loving myself, to loving God more, and loving others more.